Tag Archives: psychology

Addressing anger in the workplace (including online)

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Mental Illness Awareness Week 2020, October 4-10, is winding down, and it’s a good time to remind ourselves that we are ALL all under a tremendous amount of stress now per so many, many things associated with the global pandemic (at least if we’re among those taking it seriously). And some of us are also dealing with enormous amounts of anger from customers, clients and others.

I wrote a series of tweets, published Wednesday, to talk about dealing with intense anger from co-workers, clients, customers and others. The first was an introduction tweet that had much of the same content of the opening paragraph. Here is the content of the rest of the tweets:

Anger isn’t automatically a bad thing. Anger fuels social justice movements, human rights movements & important changes in societies & systems. Anger can even be an effective motivator of volunteerism. But anger can also hijack a person’s life in negative, even dangerous ways. [2/17]

Intense anger can affect reasoning and self-control, which can be further weakened by substance use &/or mental illness, ranging from depression to delusional thinking. That kind of intense anger can affect, even destroy, your work and relationships. [3/17]

If you are seen as a perpetually and irrational angry or vindictive person, it can affect your employability, your ability to keep employees and volunteers at your nonprofit – & even the funding of your nonprofit, NGO or charity. [4/17]

If you are online a lot, you see intense, irrational anger among trolls, those people whose primary purpose online seems to be to hurt others. Many aren’t anonymous: they don’t care that their barrage of insults hurts their professional reputation. [5/17]

That kind of intense, irrational anger and aggression are closely tied to several mental health conditions, including major depression, bipolar, irritability, Oppositional defiant behavior, Narcissistic personality, and PTSD https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/anger [6/17]

Program managers at nonprofits, NGOs & charities, as well as managers of volunteers, need to support staff in dealing with angry customers, clients, volunteers, donors and others. Dealing with intensely angry people is draining and people need to feel supported in this work. [7/17]

It’s not just your social media manager: even if your nonprofit, NGO or charity staff are all working from home, they may be dealing with intensely, even irrationally angry customers, clients, volunteers, donors and others. [8/17]

And your staff may be dealing with situations such that they are quite angry themselves and it may be affecting their work. Senior managers need to assume that both of these scenarios might be happening and take steps to help. [9/17]

Remind staff that you know things are tough now & that tensions can be running high among staff & volunteers, as well as those they’re dealing with. Talk openly about anger: how to deal with it ourselves & with it among customers, clients, volunteers, donors & others. [10/18]

Emphasize SAFETY. People should feel safe in doing their work. Talk about what harassment looks like. Give staff safe ways to report harassment from colleagues, customers and the public and to talk openly about the difficulty in dealing with it. [11/18]

Make sure staff know when harassment becomes something potentially illegal and even dangerous. Know when to call police. These resources regarding online harassment, defamation & libel can help: http://www.coyotebroad.com/work/harass.shtml [12/18]

Circulate mental health support resources among all employees, volunteers and consultants, including those focused specifically on dealing with anger, like Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper from the Mayo Clinic:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434 [13/18]

Psychologists can help people recognize and avoid the triggers that make them angry. They can also provide ways to help people manage the inevitable anger that sometimes flares without warning.
https://www.apa.org/topics/understanding-anger [14/18]

Is your temper hijacking your life? Tips and techniques can help you get anger under control and express your feelings in healthier ways.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm [15/18]

Here are Anger Management Treatment Program Options
https://www.psychguides.com/anger-management/treatment/
[16/18]

Here is advice on What To Do When You Have Anger Issues
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anger/what-to-do-when-you-have-anger-issues/ [17/18]

& the best for last: NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org [18/18]

Twice this year, I have dealt with intensely angry and irrational people in my work. In both cases, it’s been utterly exhausting. In one case, heartbreaking, because it is related to dementia to someone I respect a great deal, and in another case, it’s terrifying, because I fear it could turn violent. And as an independent consultant, with no staff – it’s just me – I don’t have a supervisor to check in on me, I don’t have a staff to delegate some responsibilities too, and I can’t follow a lot of the advice I’ve just offered above. Coupled with the global pandemic and a very intense political situation, these are particularly difficult times for independent consultants. So I want to give a specific shout out to such consultants who are in a similar position. Reach out to me if you need to talk.

In addition, the same day, I tweeted about domestic violence and the importance of any workplace having a domestic violence policy and training staff, including volunteers, on how to recognize domestic violence and where to find guidance and resources for themselves or co-workers – because all that is also a mental health issue and is most definitely, and sadly, related to helping someone navigate, and protect themselves from, someone else’s anger. I won’t re-create those tweets here, but here’s the start of that much shorter series.

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Volunteering to help your own mental health

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I see things like this posted to various online fora regularly – and even sometimes get emails that say something like this:

I’m sad and bored and need a change in my life. I feel like I have no direction. I need to reconnect to humanity and feel like I have a purpose. I want to go overseas and really make a difference somewhere, like helping refugees or orphans. I see the videos on TV and it really breaks my heart. But all the places I’ve looked into want me to have at least a university degree and some experience. I don’t have any experience, but I have a really good heart, I’m a hard worker, and I also really need this. Don’t suggest the Peace Corps – not only do they want me to have a degree, they want me to go for a really long time. I just want to go for a month or two. I think this would really help me have more purpose in life and be happier. I’d really love something that lets me just keep traveling on and on and pays for my travel and places to stay. 

Or this:

Hi, I am a 22-year-old male living in the Atlanta area. I’ve had mental health issues and substance abuse issues, and it’s hard to put into words, but a coping mechanism I have been taught was to find a happy place and go to it. The only time I can remember feeling overwhelming joy was working at Summer camps. I’ve never been so happy as I was watching those kids have fun and being able to teach them things they’d never learn otherwise. I’m willing to give any amount of time and effort so I can feel that way again.

Or this:

I’ve been dealing with mental health problems for about five years. I think what I need is to immerse myself in volunteering and make a difference. What I am looking for: (1) Away from the town where I live. Out of the country would be great. (2) Ideally something with an atmosphere where good people  who would be supportive of my mental health and accommodate me, because I have social anxiety and trouble interacting with people. (3) Dealing with something truly important, addressing a serious problem. I was thinking maybe something to prevent infant mortality, but I might not have the mental capacity for something that serious, and I don’t want to make my mental state worse. Climate change is another thing that might be good. I want something that’s bigger than myself and my mindstate. (4) An organization that provides a very immersive situation so I’m deeply connected with the people I am working with, and where I can see a difference being made. (5) Well-structured. It would be less anxiety-provoking if I don’t have to make too many of my own decisions. (6) The option to leave and go back home when I want.

Each of those three requests is based on an actual posts I’ve read on various public platforms – I’ve changed some words here and there so as not to single out any real person for their request, and changed some phrases for clarity.

I have no doubt these people sincerely want to help, but I am stunned at their expectations of  host organizations regarding the volunteer experience they want.

Volunteer hosting organizations – nonprofits, charities, schools, government agencies, etc. – have thousands of priorities that come before a goal of ensuring a person’s volunteering experience helps that person feel less lonely or improves that person’s self-esteem. Of course these organizations want volunteers to have a good experience – but they also aren’t therapists and they haven’t set up their volunteering as therapy – volunteering set up as therapy requires expertise, resources and constant supervision that most nonprofits, NGOs and charities do NOT have, and an emphasis on such would, in fact, take away from their primary mission of helping people experiencing homelessness or domestic violence, or promoting and celebrating the arts, or cleaning up a watershed, or accommodating lost, abandoned and surrendered animals, or supporting small-scale family farmers, and on and on. These organizations do not have a mandate nor the resources to create volunteering opportunities with the primary or even secondary purpose of giving volunteers a feel-good experience worthy of Instagram, helping them become more social or helping them address their own mental health issues.

Here’s also something you should know up front about volunteering: a volunteering role may not give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It may not increase your self-confidence. It may not improve your mental health. It may not make you feel like a superhero. It may not give you a feeling of accomplishment. It may, instead, be stressful and frustrating. The people you are there to help may annoy you. You may walk away from it feeling a sense of failure rather than accomplishment. There is no guarantee you are going to have the experience depicted on the volunteer recruitment materials.

The reality is that volunteering can be a LOT like dating: it may take spending time with a lot of different people, in various different places, before you find one that fits you – and you have to accept that, after months or even years, it may turn sour and it has to end.

Absolutely, volunteering can positively affect a volunteer’s mental health. Volunteering can help a person meet other people, give someone a sense of well-being, help develop a new social circle – you may even meet the person you want to marry through volunteering. Volunteering can even help you develop skills to improve your employment options. Volunteering can be good for you, mentally and physically, no question. But you cannot assume any of this is going to happen just by signing up to volunteer somewhere. You cannot assume volunteering is going to never be anxiety-inducing or never be stressful.

I have lots more detailed advice specifically for people seeking volunteering as a way to alleviate loneliness and mild depression here.

Is it possible for an organization to create such volunteering experiences for people seeking to improve their mental health? Sure! You may see a group of volunteers cleaning up a beach and not realize that they are all part of a therapy group for people with eating disorders. You may see a regular work crew around your county repairing playgrounds and public facilities and not know that they are recovering from addiction and do this volunteering under the supervision of a treatment program. You may interact with a volunteer at a local animal shelter and never know that the volunteer was coached for weeks by his therapist on how to apply for a volunteering role and then coached and supported by that therapist for the first three months of his or her service. You may be a volunteer working alongside other volunteers in a public awareness campaign and never realize that the volunteer in charge of putting together the newsletter got dumped by her fiancé and is using this experience to rebuild her confidence. But note that it’s not the organization hosting the volunteers that is responsible for their mental health support – it’s a therapy group or a professional therapist, and the host organization has been fully briefed and, sometimes, even financially supported to help accommodate these volunteers.

Also see:

How Our Minds Mislead Us

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I discourage those that are screening volunteers from going with their “gut.” I like to remind them that everyone in the Penn State/Second Mile scandal went with their gut instead of following good policy and procedures. I’ve also brought up times when I hesitated to involve a volunteer because of a gut feeling, then decided I needed to go with real observations and fact, and ended up involving WONDERFUL volunteers that I almost passed on because I realized I had some prejudices that I needed to work on.

This recent blog from Brain Pickings, which notes various scientific studies that have shown that intuition is “sometimes helpful but often misleading.” It focuses on a new book by John Brockman: Thinking: The New Science of Decision-Making, Problem-Solving, and Prediction. In the book, Nobel-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman notes:

“There is no sharp line between intuition and perception. … Perception is predictive. . . . If you want to understand intuition, it is very useful to understand perception, because so many of the rules that apply to perception apply as well to intuitive thinking. Intuitive thinking is quite different from perception. Intuitive thinking has language. Intuitive thinking has a lot of word knowledge organized in different ways more than mere perception. But some very basic characteristics [of] perception are extended almost directly to intuitive thinking.”

The essays and lectures in this book don’t discount intuition altogether; what this book, and others, are trying to show is that intuition is more feeling than fact, and that always trusting your intuition can have dire consequences – just as always ignoring it would.

I would love to read this book. I often find these kinds of books so much more helpful in working with volunteers than other books that focus on management, even volunteer management.

Also see:

Volunteer managers: you are NOT psychic!