Daily Archives: 3 January 2019

Humanitarians explain their jobs – badly

I thought it would be fun to start the New Year off with some humor.

A currently popular meme circulating says:

Explain your job badly.

A Facebook group that I’m a part of, for humanitarian workers, started a thread around the meme and I found the answers hilarious.  So, to kick off 2019, here are my favorite responses, sometimes with explanations or commentary by me in parenthesis jus to make sure you get the joke.

Aid & Development Workers explain their jobs… badly:

Conflict bad, peace good.

Making bad better.

Saving the world one report at a time.

I align little figures on power points. Also, I give detailed input on the banner for pointless events. Once in a while I sit up and suggest we publish brochures.

Angering doctors, engineers, government workers and others by making them explain their work.

Saving lives. After I’ve finished the paperwork.

Ensuring measurable results.

I try to communicate to people who don’t know how to communicate why better communication will be of help to them

Pretending to change the rules by following them.

Attending *all* the life-saving meetings.

I ask adults to play games and write on colourful cards explaining to me things I just told them. (this also works for consultants teaching volunteer management)

Fitting 200 pages report titled “Climate change and its effects from last century to nowadays in developing countries” into a 2 page folded brochure, obviously including infographics and pictures

a friend did it for me once “So basically you give soap to rapists and murderers in prisons?” (ICRC Detention Delegate).

I help sex workers and gay men get drugs. (HIV/AIDS public health worker)

Trying to convince local administration that the governor / mayor / prefet home is not the best location for a handpump.

I tell people things they don’t want to hear.

Assisting 80 y.o. receive their first passport (statelessness reduction and prevention).

Parting money from fools – and handing the cash to other fools.

Glorified travel agent arranging travel for old white men whom I babysit and train on how to talk to people.

In response to the responses to someone saying they are a “Cash Adviser” – “No, it’s nothing to do with finance; no, I’m not a cashier; no, I’m not an accountant”, and, occasionally when you say Oxfam, “No, I don’t work in a shop.” (note – humanitarian agencies provide cash assistance in crisis response, giving cash directly to local people so that local markets can quickly be rebuilt, so recipients can prioritize their needs, and because cash can be faster and cheaper to deliver than goods)

Reinforcing systemically weak capacity using antiquated, broken and ineffective systems and doing so with systemic capacity gaps yet expecting and reporting positive outcomes.

Cleaning up after global leaders who sell weapons in one hand and give aid with the other and governments who care more about their pockets than their citizens.

To be fair I think those last two explain humanitarian work quite well.

Would managers of volunteers dare to do this exercise? I challenge you 

More nonprofit / NGO  humor blogs:

What it is like to be a consultant

If nonprofits were brutally honest with funders