I work with nonprofit organizations, international agencies and even government offices that don’t get along with each other. And it leaves me in an awkward position when I’m talking with such an organization about some activity or resources that would be oh-so-appealing to another organization. I know that, when I make the suggestion for collaboration, or even just an email update or event invitation from one organization to the other, a heavy silence will fill the air – or some quickly-made-up excuses will flow and the suggestion will be ignored.
Entire organizations hurt each other’s feelings all the time, just as people do – because organizations are made up of people. But often, what one organization views as a criticism or an act of conscious disrespect by another organization is actually incompetence or thoughtlessness – it’s not at all a deliberate act. It can be an email that doesn’t receive a response or a phone call that doesn’t get returned (They are ignoring me! They hate me!) or a duplication of activities (They *know* we already do an event like that! They did this to try to steal our thunder!) or an event that doesn’t get announced until late (They didn’t tell us about this earlier so we wouldn’t be able to participate!).
I know one organization that believes it’s in a feud with another organization – but that other organization has no idea there’s any hurt feelings! So while the Hurt Organization takes every action by Other Organization as an attack, a slight, an insult, etc., Other Organization is completely oblivious that Hurt Organization feels that way.
Sometimes, a feud is acknowledged by both organizations – but there’s no effort to get over it. And there always be an effort to get over it, because there’s no room in the nonprofit / NGO / charity world for feuds. Disagreements? Yes, those need to happen, and it may be you never see eye-to-eye about what the approach should be to homelessness, or women’s health care, or stray animals – but the disagreement can be acknowledged by both parties without a silent and/or nasty feud between them. Debates? Absolutely – we won’t evolve or learn if we don’t debate! But silent feuding? That hurts all of us and those we serve.
When I take on public relations/outreach activities for an organization, one of the first things I do is to look at the distribution list for press releases and announcements, invitation lists for events, etc., and I make sure every organization that has a similar mission and is working in the same area is on those lists. That can include groups that have publicly said they disagree with the organization’s mission. There might be some cringing from other department heads, even a closed-door meeting where I’m assured the overture won’t lead to anything positive, but I insist. And every time, maybe after weeks, maybe after months, there’s a thawing of relations: Someone has lunch with someone else. Someone attends another’s special event. A white paper is shared. Small steps.
Maybe the organizations will never like each other; but I don’t have to like you to work with you!
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I am experiencing a similar situation with another organization that is supposedly a "sister organization". I have worked for the above organization for 5 years and over those years I have seen relations between the two organizations deteriorate drastically. We are now involved in a law suit and I don’t think that things will ever be resolved. It seems that the "sister organization" is constantly plotting to bring our organization down. I know that this sounds paranoid, but we have no communication from the "sister organization" for over a year, even though we have sent several communications to them without reply and then suddenly we get served with a lawsuit. We now have to deal with lawyers and our insurance because the lawsuit includes the Board Directors. It is very stressful working under these conditions and dealing with the nastiness and arrogance of the people from this "sister organization".
Agnes, your situation has officially moved way beyond what I was blogging about! I’d say the lawsuit officially ends your "sister organization" relationship. I hope you will call your local United Way and ask if they know of any mediation services. Look online as well. A professional mediator could help this situation. Good luck to you.
Thanks soooo much for your blogging on this subject. It is very informative and you’re helping many of us, like myself, who are new to volunteering/community service.