ending a mentoring relationship

Sanchez Elementary School Online Mentoring Program

ending a mentoring relationship

This online program has a planned end for all relationships -- December 2000 (if that end date changes, you will still get the option of withdrawing from the program at that time).

It's our hope that the natural end of this program can be a time for celebration and reflection: mentors writing congratulation letters to youth, the class taking a group photo to share with mentors, mentors and students talking about what they learned from this program, and so forth.

However, an online mentoring relationship could end before the year is up for a variety of unplanned reasons:

the youth moves to another class, or another school
a sudden crisis in the lives of the adult or the youth that prevent that person from continuing in the program
the youth decides he or she does not like the mentor and wants another one (highly unlikely, but still a possibility)
the adult withdraws from the program because he or she decides it isn't right for him or her
the entire Internet is hacked and becomes inoperable for the rest of the year (even more unlikely)
and so forth....

Regardless of why the relationship ends, whether naturally at the end of the program or with a sudden, unplanned reason, participants can find the end difficult. It can bring up feelings of sadness, abandonment, anger, fear of change, and even guilt.

We hope to provide as many resources and as much support as possible to ensure the success of every relationship, but we don't want anyone hanging on to a relationship that is unhealthy or negative for either participant.

If you decide you need to end your online mentoring relationship

The FIRST thing to do is to contact the teachers and program advisor immediately -- DO NOT contact the protegé. Be honest and open about the reason you need to end this relationship. We will help you draft a final message to your protegé, set a date for that final message (or messages) to be delivered, and talk to the youth face-to-face about why the relationship is ending.

If the Program Advisor directs you to write a final message to your protegé, be honest with your protegé about why you are having to end this relationship. Talk about your thoughts and feelings about these circumstances. Encourage your protegée to do the same. Be positive and supportive, especially about what the future may hold for your protegée. Do NOT make promises you may not keep, such as saying that you will somehow keep in touch or that you will send a goodbye gift.

We will work hard to make sure this termination is as easy as possible, and to find your youth a new mentor as quickly as possible.

V E R S I O N: December 15, 2000

Return to the main page of Online Mentoring Guidelines and Activities

Return to the main page of the Sanchez Elementary School Online Mentoring Program

VERSION: December 15, 2000

Return to the main page of the Sanchez Elementary School Online Mentoring Program

Permission is granted to quote from this web site so long as the author and web site are noted.
Please notify me if you intend to use these materials or to quote me. You don't have to, but it would be appreciated.

This resource was developed by Jayne Cravens for Sanchez Elementary School in Austin, Texas;
the Charles A. Dana Center at the University of Texas at Austin; and the Virtual Volunteering Project.
This online mentoring program is no longer operational; these web materials have been preserved to help other schools develop their own online mentoring programs. You can find more online mentoring resources here